Review
This grandfather of all people-skills books was first published in 1937. It was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies. How to Win Friends and Influence People is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated. Financial success, Carnegie believed, is due 15 percent to professional knowledge and 85 percent to “the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people.” He teaches these skills through underlying principles of dealing with people so that they feel important and appreciated. He also emphasizes fundamental techniques for handling people without making them feel manipulated. Carnegie says you can make someone want to do what you want them to by seeing the situation from the other person’s point of view and “arousing in the other person an eager want.” You learn how to make people like you, win [Read More...]
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Under the subheading “15,000,000 people can’t be wrong,” I proudly present one of the all-time business book classics. You’ve probably heard about this book, as it’s one of those titles that have become part of the cultural lexicon (like CATCH-22). It floats around the edges of the pop-culture ether, easily recalled but little read.
Written in 1936, it is based on courses in public speaking that had been taught in adult education courses by Dale Carnegie since 1912 (and to put to rest a popular assumption, he was no relation to the magnate Andrew Carnegie). It is an unusual little book, written in a highly personalized, colloquial style that is reminiscent of a lecture.
But this is no infomercial for real estate investment with no money down or for a personal improvement guru. This book was designed with professionals in mind, and designed to help professional people do better in business by helping them make social contacts and improve their speaking skills. It was also written with a certain…earnestness in mind. Carnegie was a big believer in sincerity when it came to dealing with other people.
The core of the book accomplishes four, overarching objectives:
* THREE FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE
* THE SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
* THE TWELVE WAYS TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
* THE NINE WAYS TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT AROUSING RESENTMENT
Thoroughly entertaining by using fun and interesting examples, I don’t think many readers will regret checking this one out and I like to think of this book as a kind of Human Relations 101 of sorts.
Another related book that I recommend strongly because it’s outstanding and a modernized approach to people skills is Emotional Intelligence 2.0
His advice is so obvious and so easy, so how come it’s so difficult to do yourself and so rarely found in others? Is it cynicism or manipulation? No, it’s human nature: Do Unto Others …
THE FUNDAMENTALS
? “Speak ill of no man and speak all the good you know of everyone.”
People react very badly to criticism; don’t do it, not to their face nor behind their back … especially not behind their back.
? Say “Thank You”.
Express appreciation. People yearn, yearn to be appreciated.
? Talk about what people want and help them get it.
“Arouse in others an eager want.”
Corollary: let others take credit for your ideas; they’ll like your ideas a lot more if they believe them to be their own.
WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
? Be happy to see people.
Greet everyone you meet and show an interest in them. Remember the things that are important to them.
? Smile!
? Remembers peoples’ names!!
Remember it, use it when talking to them. A person’s name sounds beautiful to them.
? Draw people out.
Encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests.
? Actively research the other person’s interests.
? Every person you meet feels themselves superior to you in some way.
Strain to find out what that is and recognize their importance. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen to you for hours.
WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
? Don’t argue!
Give in! Agree that the other person is right; often they are and if they aren’t, you’ll never convince them of it by arguing.
? Don’t ever tell a person they’re wrong.
They may be but telling them so is always counterproductive. It is difficult for a person to admit to themselves that they are wrong; harder still to admit it to others.
? If you know you’re wrong, admit it.
Openly and freely admit whenever you’re wrong. And always leave open the possibility that you’re wrong even of you think you aren’t.
? Friendliness begets friendliness.
Always begin that way. Don’t accuse.
? Never neglect a kindness.
Look for ways to do or say something nice.
? Start out by emphasizing areas of agreement.
When a person has said “no” it’s hard to get them to change even if they know they’re wrong.
? Let the other person do most of the talking.
Listen patiently and don’t interrupt. Let your friends be better than you.
? Let people come to your conclusions.
First, tell me what you expect of me; then tell me what I can expect of you. People will generally live up to the commitments they make to you as long as they came up with them on their own.
? Think always in terms of the other person’s point of view.
Where they stand depends on where they sit; figure out where they’re sitting.
? ? of the people you will ever meet are dying for sympathy.
Give it to them and they will love you.
? A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
? Dramatize your ideas.
“Don’t use logic; tell stories.” Make your ideas visible, concrete. Bear in mind that people don’t know until you show them what you mean.
? Stimulate in others their innate desire to excel (perhaps through a friendly challenge or through competition).
BE A LEADER
? Don’t go sailing into difficult interpersonal situations with guns blazing. You’ll always get a negative reaction.
? Change “but” into “and”.
Be indirect in your criticism. Praise before you condemn.
? Ask questions rather than giving orders.
? Be very careful to help others preserve their dignity.
? People crave recognition: praise the smallest improvement and praise every improvement.
? Treat people as though they had the virtues you wished they possessed.
Give them a reputation to live up to and they will work like crazy to live up to it.
? Praise the good; minimize the bad: encourage.
Make achievement seem possible. Take and encourage little baby steps. Seek out even the most insignificant of successes.
? Napoleon: I could conquer the world if only I had enough ribbon.